Sex And The County

Sex And The County

Behind us at Friendly’s the other day was a father and his son, who was considerably overweight for his age. The father spent the entire meal gently trying to advise the kid about child obesity and it’s lasting health effects. It was nice to see how he didn’t embarrass the kid, trying to very subtly get his point across… and then he let the boy order a sundae that was bigger than my head! What the Hell was the point of everything that had come before?

Also at Friendly’s that day was a couple and their grandson. The man was a completely miserable douchebag who continually tried to boss his wife around, which she simply ignored. He didn’t want her to bring the kid’s leftover ice cream home and was acting like a whiny bitch about it. As they left I saw why. It seems Grandpa had just gotten himself a shiny new Camaro – compensating for his dysfunctional penis I assume – and he was not liking the idea of ice cream being allowed within the hallowed ground of his crappy new American car.

And, being Carroll County, my wife and I realized the other reason this guy was such an ass… His grandson looked to be of mixed race. That’s right… Horror of horrors… His daughter slept with a black guy! I cannot tell you how funny I find it to watch these awkward old racist shitheads struggle with this reality.

It reinforces that old bit of wisdom I reference often:

If you’re going to hate somebody, make sure it’s for the right reasons! Skin color, for the record, is not one of them.

Anyway, I was also wondering: If your balls itch does that mean that someone is talking about them?

Let’s jump topics a bit, shall we? I want to discuss the whole concept of male/female attraction. Since I am not female I can only speak to half of this equation, so here goes… Ladies, if you are either:

A. Sexy and hot
B. Flirty and fun
C. Kind of attractive, but with a slamming body
D. Displaying nymphomaniac behavior
E. Not so attractive, but with at least one hot body part(s)
F. Willing
G. Breathing
H. Any combination of the above list

Then we want to sleep with you. There, I’ve said it. Sorry for giving away our code, guys…

OK, that’s enough of that for this morning.

About the Author

I am patiently waiting for the Mothership to take me back to my planet.