I have no idea how this came to be. Enjoy:

Confession: The last time I had to run quickly to the bathroom it was such a close call that I was worried about having to rent a steam cleaner for the rug!

Obsession: A Friendly’s Happy Ending Sundae containing Cookies ‘N’ Cream ice cream, peanut butter sauce and whipped cream. Mmm.

Impression: I can’t do very many, but those that I can do I do with great mediocrity.

Recession: Yeah, yeah, yeah… Who hasn’t heard by now?

Expression: Sleepy-eyed smile.

Discretion: May be the better part of valor, but where’s the fun in that?

Question: Does anyone else out there think that “Five Dollar Footlong” sounds like a cheap male escort?

Suggestion: You wanna solve the energy crisis? Harness the power of masturbation. It would make fossil fuels irrelevant in five minutes or less.

Direction: North-Northwest.

Insurrection: A less-than-stellar Star Trek film.

Election: Finally got it right after 8 years wandering around Texas.

Collection: Formerly baseball cards. Now it’s MP3s.

Inflection: Can make all the difference.

Affection: Megan Fox, Diane Lane, Jennifer Connelly, Kate Winslet, Marissa Miller, others too numerous to mention.

Imperfection: Everybody has them – some are just much more obvious.

Reflection: Always makes me wonder when I installed the funhouse mirror.

Infection: Nothing a shot can’t cure.

Rejection: All in a day’s work.

Erection: Definitely exceeds 4 hours, but not in a row.

About the Author

I am patiently waiting for the Mothership to take me back to my planet.