The Mind Wanders

The Mind Wanders

My wife watches Charmed all the time in syndication and it has occurred to me that the show should actually be called Perky Tits & Ass Lifelessly Making A Living Pretending (Poorly) To Be Witches. Don’t get me wrong, the show is a lot of fun to watch – the reasons simply have nothing to do with acting, character development or plots.

It’s no coincidence that people refer to “The Circle Of Life.” Life is circular. Boobs are circular. Hmm…

Speaking of boobs, how about that exit press conference from our nearly departed Retard-In-Chief? Way to leave ‘em wanting less, Georgie! Now if you’ll please depart Washington, DC without further proving your inadequacy before next week I will be happy to store you away in my Archive Of All-Time Douchebags and speak of you no more.

My friend played me a clip from the lead track on the new Bruce Springsteen album and there’s a riff in the middle of it that completely lifts the melody from “I Was Made For Lovin’ You, Baby” by KISS. Remember that gem of an album, Dynasty?

KISS + disco = KISSco.

That was the point when I decided I should stop dressing up as Paul Stanley for Halloween.

And now a couple of headlines:

‘JACKASS’ STAR CITED AT LAX FOR CARRYING A GRENADE
LOS ANGELES — ‘Jackass” star Johnny Knoxville was cited at Los Angeles International Airport Thursday morning for allegedly trying to bring an inert grenade into a plane.

I think this is a publicity stunt for a new version of Jackass that will take place in prison. Imagine the madcap hijinx those crazy kids could pull in the big house… However, I’m afraid for the safety of the midget/dwarf/little person – I don’t know which is politically correct so I use all three – in the midst of all of those troubled deviants. It would bring a whole new meaning to the term “Dwarf Toss.” If you don’t know what I’m referring to, consider yourself lucky. I knew I shouldn’t have watched that prison documentary…

AIRPLANE CRASH-LANDS INTO HUDSON RIVER; ALL ABOARD REPORTED SAFE
NEW YORK (CNN) — A US Airways plane with 155 people on board ditched into a chilly Hudson River on Thursday, apparently after striking at least one bird upon takeoff from New York’s LaGuardia Airport, according to officials and passengers.

Isn’t there a way we can build an airplane that can withstand a bird strike? I don’t crash my car when a bug hits my windshield.

WOULD-BE BRIDE, 107, SEEKS FIRST HUSBAND
BEIJING (Reuters) – A 107-year-old Chinese woman who was afraid to marry when she was young has decided to look for her first husband and hopes to find a fellow centenarian so they will have something to talk about, a Chinese paper reported.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall during that wedding night. Armed with a vomit bag. Honestly, at her age I think her only option is to marry a sea turtle.

MAN CUTS OFF FINGER IN COURT OVER DEBT
LISBON (Reuters) – A Portuguese businessman said he cut off one of his fingers in court with a butcher’s knife in an “act of despair” after a judge refused his offer to settle a 170,000 euro (152,500 pound) debt and said part of his farm must be sold.

OK, dumbass… That’s not what they mean when they say, “Give ‘em the finger!”




About the Author

I am patiently waiting for the Mothership to take me back to my planet.