The Divided States Of Pro-America

The Divided States Of Pro-America

This rhetoric that the Republicans have now latched onto that suggests that parts of this country are more “Pro-America” than others is one of the most insulting, infuriating, insipid, Elitist-masquerading-as-Middle-American, backwards-ass concepts I’ve ever heard. How fucking dense do you have to be to believe that your personal values entitle you to some sort of higher status? We’re all supposed to be in this together, right? Remember? It’s a melting pot of cultures, ideas, hopes, dreams, freedom, blah blah blah…

Unless you don’t believe what we believe, at which time we will consider you a meaningless speed bump on the road to power.

They are literally trying to stir the pot of civil unrest while calling it small town values! The worst part about it is that I don’t think they actually believe this rhetoric. No one with a functioning cerebrum could buy into such dreck. It’s just a political tactic. They are so desperate to retain the Presidency that they will resort to any sleight-of-hand that they think will divert people from the real issues. Please, I am begging you to keep your eyes on the prize.

OK, enough of that for now… Here’s a couple other things I noticed:

Feminine hygiene commercials seem to dominate the airwaves during dinnertime hours while erectile dysfunction remedies have their highest concentration around sports programming. Isn’t that profiling?

Billy Mays – Mr. Shoutsalot, as I like to call him – has a new infomercial for something called the Big City Slider Station. If you haven’t seen it then lucky you, but allow me to break it down for you:

It’s like a waffle iron for meat, and they put “Big City” in the name to make it sound sophisticated. It’s absurd. It’s annoying. He won’t stop yelling and he makes me want to smash him in the face with his own product. But wait, there’s more… The tag line:

“It’s the mini burger sensation that’s sweeping the nation!”


I’d like to banish Billy Mays to Wasilla where those God-fearing, moral, anybody-can-be-mayor motherfuckers could teach him a thing or two… like how to use his inside voice!

About the Author

I am patiently waiting for the Mothership to take me back to my planet.