A Few Scattered Thoughts Fueled By Insomnia

A Few Scattered Thoughts Fueled By Insomnia

Dear NBC,
Never mind O’Brien, Conan The Barbarian is actually funnier than Jay Leno.

Dear Everyone Who Is Way Too Quick To Generalize,
If you’re going to refer to the clusterfuck that is Healthcare Reform as Obama Care, then you must refer to the clusterfucks in Afghanistan and Iraq as Operation Bush Fucked Up Major and Operation Holy Shit He’s Done It Again. If you truly believe that the political machine is actually capable of being hijacked by one person then at least be consistent about it.

Dear International House Of Pancakes,
I just saw you about 6 hours ago and I miss you already. Parting is such sweet, sticky, maple-flavored sorrow.

Dear Cast Of The Jersey Shore,
Tick, tock, tick, tock… Your 15 minutes are going fast. I’ve never seen your show and somehow I still hate you.

Dear Prince,
I was and still am a fan, but your penning of a song for the Minnesota Vikings wreaks of desperation. ‘Tis better to be a forgotten genius…

Dear Democrats,
It’s not filibuster-proof but you still have the largest majority that either party has enjoyed in decades. Only you could find a way to fuck that up. Please put stem cell research at the top of your list of things to accomplish. Maybe then the technology will exist for your party to grow a set of balls once again.

About the Author

I am patiently waiting for the Mothership to take me back to my planet.