A Quickie Or Two

A Quickie Or Two

OK, what the fuck? Ed Hardy Beverages? I assume that the secret ingredient is vinegar to appeal to all of the douches who would even consider drinking these.

Moving on, why is it OK to want to be pampered, but if you want to be Pampered you have a fetish?

Why does Intel have a processor that has 6 cores named the i7? Isn’t that like someone asking, “Hey, do you want to grab lunch?” and you reply, “No thanks, I already nine.”

Quoting Jessica Simpson. “I don’t brush my teeth. No, really. I just use Listerine, and sometimes I’ll use my sweater.” Which just goes to show the power that giant tits really have, because people still talk to her.

How about some headlines:

WOMAN CHARGED IN BREAST MILK ASSAULT ON JAILER
OWENSBORO, Ky. – A woman in jail for public intoxication was accused of assaulting a jailer by squirting breast milk at her.

Umm, that’s not what they mean by “bust out” of jail.

DEVOTEES OF FLORIDA MAN SAY THEY INGESTED SNAIL MUCUS
MIAMI – Devotees of a man claiming to practice a traditional African religion said they had to ingest the mucus of a Giant African Snail that sickened them.

Religious followers doing crazy, misguided shit that doesn’t make any logical sense? That’s a first.

REYNOLDS, BATEMAN SWITCH BODIES IN COMEDY
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman are teaming for “Change Up,” the latest entry in Hollywood’s long line of body-switching comedies.

Rumor is that Bateman is in negotiations to stay in character through the shooting so he can bang Scarlett Johansson.

GIRLICIOUS BAND MEMBER CHARGED WITH HAVING DRUGS
GLENDALE, Calif. – A member of the pop group Girlicious has been charged in California with drug possession with the intent to sell after Glendale police allegedly found a dozen plastic bags of cocaine in her Gucci purse.

Girlicious? Really?

GUNS N’ ROSES PLAN “SECRET” SHOWS IN SOUTH AMERICA
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Guns N’ Roses will play three private shows in Brazil and Argentina during the band’s current tour of South America, the organizer said on Monday.

Careful, Axl. If they get any more “secret” you may find you have no audience at all. By the way, your new record sucks just like everything you’ve done since Appetite For Destruction… Please stop.

INTERNET FRAUD LOSSES DOUBLED LAST YEAR
WASHINGTON – The cost of Internet fraud doubled in 2009 to about $560 million, the FBI said Friday.

I am going to go ahead and assume that over 90% of this has to due with Erectile Dysfunction or Penis Enlargement products.

OK, back to whatever it was I was avoiding by writing this…




About the Author

I am patiently waiting for the Mothership to take me back to my planet.