As heard on 98 Rock recently: “Lady Gaga is proof that David Bowie raped Carol Burnett.” – Christopher Titus
In hindsight, rather than a mere vasectomy I should have just been castrated so I could finally focus on other things in life. No such luck, though. The one-track mind remains tirelessly on track. Daughters, lock up your mothers!
While driving to work the other day I was flipped off by a member of a funeral procession. Allow me to explain… The ramp off 795 leads down to my turn and I have to get to the right quickly while merging through an entrance ramp of cars. Coming down that ramp I saw the procession and knew I could not get in front of it, so I aimed for the very large gap between the fourth and fifth vehicles in the procession, much to the chagrin of the driver. Personally, I know my move was a little out of line but it’s not like I cut them off – it was a very large opening and my only opportunity to get over. Meanwhile, my only other option would have been to miss my turn and go 5-10 minutes out of my way including morning traffic. So, quite frankly, that guy can suck my balls… I hope his dead relative didn’t leave him anything in the will.
Jesse James is now in sex rehab… I wonder if Tiger will bang him? Ooh, I wonder if he already did Michelle Bombshell or whatever the Hell that tattooed whore’s name is? That would make for an awkward counseling group. And once again… Not sorry. Sorry he got caught.
Random idea: a mall store for cross-dressers called… Victor Victoria’s Secret!
Shouldn’t that show be called “Dancing With People – Some Of Whom Used To Be Mildly Famous For A Reason – And Kate Gosselin?”
Time for headlines:
CLAY AIKEN, RUBEN STUDDARD TO TOUR TOGETHER
NEW YORK (Billboard) – Singers Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard, the two contestants who battled for the “American Idol” title in 2003, announced plans on Thursday for a co-headlining summer concert tour.
Hello, County Fairs everywhere that gay guys and black guys are in demand as entertainment.
WOODS IS ‘A BIG FAT LIAR’ SAYS ALLEGED PORN STAR LOVER
NEW YORK (AFP) – Tiger Woods “is a big fat liar” who slept with a porn actress 10 days after the birth of his child, the woman, who claims a relationship with the golf megastar, said Monday.
Yes, that has been established. Your point is?
FANS WANT MICHAEL JACKSON’S NAME BACK ON LA SCHOOL
LOS ANGELES – Los Angeles school officials told Michael Jackson to beat it seven years ago. Now, fans of the late pop star want him back. Supporters have started a Facebook petition to have Jackson’s name restored to the auditorium of Gardner Street Elementary School. They want fans to download and sign a letter to the school district superintendent.
Even in death his creepiness when mentioned in the same story as children remains. Just enjoy the music, people. That’s the only legacy he left that is worth revisiting.
REPORT: CHARLIE SHEEN WANTS TO EXIT “MEN”
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – A report that Charlie Sheen wants to leave CBS’ “Two and a Half Men” has raised uncertainty about the future of one of TV’s top-rated comedies.
Another report: Charlie Sheen wants to enter women.
BLU-RAY TO DOUBLE CAPACITY WITH NEW FORMAT
Now that Blu-ray is finally on the uptick, the Blu-ray Disc Association, which manages the standard and its technical specifications, is upping the ante by increasing its maximum capacity, according to InformationWeek.
It said that a new player will be required to handle the increased capacity… Goddamnit, I don’t even have a regular Blu-ray yet!
OK, then… heading over to the studio to play rock star, if only for a little while.