Must The Show Go On?

Must The Show Go On?

The English language never ceases to amaze me with the drastic differences that can be achieved with the slightest of changes. For example, being fucked over is terrible, right? No one wants that. However, you seldom hear of someone complaining about being overfucked.

Are you among the ever-growing group of forlorn Farmville widows and widowers? I can’t tell you how often lately my wife has said something under her breath that I thought was directed at me only to ask what she said and hear, “I was talking to Farmville.”

Really? To that end, I am considering converting my dick into a crop to help ensure that it is tended to in a timely manner. Either that, or Zynga (the makers of these godforsaken time sinks) needs to partner with to start a real-life game that the rest of us would actually care to play – Fuckville.

I don’t give a shit what anyone says, I think Charlie Sheen may have it all figured out. What part of living your life to maximize your own happiness is wrong? CBS, if you pay me a couple million a week I promise to give you all the publicity you desire and then some.

Why do half-assed celebrities continue to get new opportunities to be half-assed? The Vanilla Ice Project on the DIY Network features everyone’s least favorite, talentless shitbird cashing in on at least his third chance to be a “star.” Yes, the dick has actually had two separate record deals – if memory serves there was a movie too. Anyway, this time our hero, Robert Van Winkle, is putting his home improvement skills to the test while rehabbing one room of a 7,000 square-foot mansion on each episode.

Did I miss a goddamn memo? Is nostalgia for mediocrity from days gone by reason enough to watch?

Mike Tyson has a show coming to Animal Planet called Taking On Tyson about how he trains pigeons. JHFC!

Admittedly both of these train wrecks are light years better than the dirge of Celebrity Rehab style shows that make the viewing public voyeurs into some of the lowest moments in peoples’ lives. At least these shows have a premise, no matter how flimsy, to build from. Where is The Gong Show when you really need it? Now that was quality entertainment… at least in comparison.

About the Author

I am patiently waiting for the Mothership to take me back to my planet.